Two weeks ago I gave a refresher on weddings, to help remind us all about what the general parameters for a Catholic courtship and wedding are. After meditating on today’s passage from Job, where he brings our thoughts to the mystery of death, I thought it would be appropriate to provide a refresher on Catholic funerals.

   St. Paul wrote once to the Thessalonians with these words, “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” 1 Thes 4:13. St. Cyprian, also, in his work On Mortality, rather strongly reproaches the faithful, whom he served as bishop before his own martyrdom, because of their gloom and grief over death. Death is not an end, it is a change. If we are sad because we won’t see our loved ones again in this life, we are edified by those who die in friendship with Christ. The death of holy souls brings joy, which only a godless soul cannot understand. And, if I may quote an alleged proverb of my illustrious predecessor Fr. Dunn, “The good thing about martyrdom is that it hurts only once.”

   People are, by and large, less capricious and blinded by passions at funerals than they are when weddings arise. Nonetheless, certain disorders are arising everywhere even in Catholic communities, and a reminder is opportune regarding how to proceed after the mystery of death has taken pace.

   First of all, let us remember that Church law says, “Deceased members of the Christian faithful must be given ecclesiastical funerals according to the norm of law.”[1] They have the purpose of obtaining spiritual support for the dead, and consolation and graces for the living. It is becoming distressingly common that people say, “Oh, we don’t want any Church thing. We’ll just do something at the graveside.” Or again, “We will only do a funeral home service.” How dare the living deprive the dead, Catholics who have the right, of the graces of a proper funeral! It nearly brings me to tears for all that is lost. We are to have funeral Masses, and I’d be hard pressed to see exceptions! I once attempted to talk a family into burying their elderly, deceased mother with the rites of the Church, and they refused again and again, and they themselves didn’t even know why, nor did they have a clear idea what they were doing while they concocted a very un-glorious farewell for mom. That poor Catholic woman, deprived of a Catholic funeral! I did a Mass for her myself later, even if her family had no interest in the affair.

   So we are to have a funeral Mass. Doesn’t have to be huge or showy, if you want a more recollected or private experience – the Irish tend to prefer it that way – but, please God!, don’t omit the funeral Mass.

   At funeral Masses sometimes people want to do unusual things, a bit like those wedding Masses about which I spoke a few weeks ago. But such things are prohibited. For example, one time a family was burying a dad who enjoyed bananas, so they wanted to pass out bananas at Mass. What?! A more popular liturgical abuse is to insert a eulogy for the deceased at Mass. Such things have a place, and are praiseworthy, but clearly not at Mass, which is all about the sacrifice of Christ in the Eucharist. The better places for that are at family gatherings, such as after the ritual vigil the night before at the funeral home. I also encourage the prayer of a rosary for the soul of the deceased person, even though it is not prescribed or part of the sacred liturgy.

   The Church “earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine,” for example, someone who, by cremation, intends to deny the doctrine of the resurrection of the body, or who is following a pagan custom of some sort. I have sometimes found very wealthy people who wanted to avoid burial, and choose cremation, because it was cheaper. To trim off a few pennies is not a good-enough reason for a sufficiently wealthy person to abandon Church tradition and custom. There may be reasons for cremation, but please don’t choose it just to save money, unless you haven’t a penny left anywhere on planet earth.

   In summary, I have often seen the Christian faithful omit the Mass, omit observance of liturgical norms, and omit burial. It’s almost as if many people today go out of their way to avoid doing what the Catholic Church asks of them, just for the pride of doing it their own way. A good son or daughter of the Church should let himself or herself be guided by the Church, especially at such an emotionally unsettling moment such as the death of a loved one.

   Let me finish this homily with some consoling words from St. Cyprian’s treatise, On Mortality (ch. 26): “We should consider, beloved brethren, and we should reflect constantly that we have renounced the world, and as strangers and foreigners we sojourn here for a time… A great number of our dear ones await us [in heaven], parents, brothers, children; a dense and copious throng longs for us, already secure in their safety but still anxious for our salvation. How great a joy it is both of them and for us in common to come into their sight and embrace!”

   May we hasten with joy to this embrace of the saints and angels, assisted by the powerful intercession of Mary our Mother.■